a belated happy chocolate day

this past lucky-7 saturday was national chocolate day. and while the eyes of all six of our esteemed readers (including bob saget, the son of the guy who played ALF, and the ghost of lucille ball) were glued to bittersweetjesus as they anxiously awaited elaborate editorial / sanctimonious stories about the genius of cocoa beans, we dropped the proverbial ball and were instead incurring irreversible hearing damage at BOADRUM77 – a very special performance by the boredoms in DUMBO.

reasons we considered it important enough to miss national chocolate day:

1.) there were 77 guest drummers.

2.) a recently de-maned andrew w.k. was there.

3.) complimentary saporro was being served.

4.) we have lives, too, people!


- dana krozek

B.Y.O.C.

two important notes for the beach bum masses heading to the sandy shore of long island this summer:

1.) prepare to see more gold-jewelry and excessively tanned hides than you thought humanly possible (uv-protection sunglasses strongly suggested as both are sure to burn holes in your retinas); and

2.) the candy selection along the boardwalk is lackluster, at best.

necco wafers? smarties? wax bottles? get with the times, strong island!

thanks to our good friends (food preservatives!) there are now a number of swelter-friendly chews perfect for the packing. recommendations include licorice (the australian kind that blows the US version out of the water), tootsie roll pops, and spree – combination / quantity depends entirely on your current cavity count.


- dana krozek

score a skor

the skor bar… what can i say about it that (most likely) hasn’t already been said? one of the most underrated candy bars on the market today, the skor bar was introduced to the sweet-toothed masses in 1983. it’s a toffee-based candy bar like it’s much older predecessor the ‘Heath’ bar. unlike the heath bar however, this sweet treat doesn’t get stuck to those big boney molars in the back of the mouth.

ever take a skor bar and put it in the freezer?! if you answered no, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! if you answered yes, will you date me? 'cause that would mean we have so much in common. but yes, putting this tasty little rectangle of goodness in the freezer helps to solidify the toffee and makes it a little less messy to eat.

here’s a fun little fact: skor translates as 'shoe' from swedish, and the crown that appears in the product's logo is identical to that found in the Swedish national emblem of 'tre kronor'. skor bars can be found practically anywhere... anywhere they sell fine-ass candy that is! So get to that local bodega, the supermarket, those little huts in the subway that sell candy and get yourself a skor! you can tell all of your friends that you scored… a skor!

- Joey Angerone

let's launch!

mr. goodbars, baby ruths and peppermint patties alike: today marks the super official launch of bittersweetjesus - a special place in internet land where we post for the masses tasty commentary devoted to the wildcards who bring us sugared-up snacks.

not gonna lie - we lack any and all culinary prowess. matter of fact, we failed home ec and shake our fists at the entire baked goods family (curse you, baking soda and baking powder for looking so similar yet yielding such different results!). but when it comes to candy, we've got a knack for separating the good (junior mints) from the bad (zagnut bars) from the downright confusing (bottle caps). that's why we consider it our american duty to force... er, "bestow" upon the general public such beacons of confectionary competence...

think of it as community service, people!

now let’s launch!


- dana krozek