Viva Carbs!

Our shrewd powers of deduction, and a tip from the Psychic Friends Network (we believe!), indicate that 2008 will not only be characterized by the comeback of such sinful things as hookah bars, Spanish wine and carbohydrates (finally), but also the continued emergence of fantasy-flavored candy, chili-infused chocolate being the most popular this year. That's why we dared not let an opportunity pass us by to sample Theo's line of 3400 Phinney Chocolate, which pairs organic and Fair Trade certified cocoa beans with bold ingredients that give otherwise traditional tasting bars an innovative twist. Our favorite combines rich dark chocolate with buttery, toasted artisan breadcrumbs and just the perfect pinch of salt. Viva carbs!

-Dana

Happy Thankswivin!

When it comes to the traditional turkey-n-tater Thanksgiving feast, we say nuts to the gravy-topped course and get to slicin' Grandma's punkin pie! Er, pumpkin pie (we're not hillbillies). Unfortunately, Grandma mistakenly topped last year's custard creation with Gilette shave cream, claiming it looked and smelled just like Reddi-Whip. Makes sense. However, the incident resulted in our celebrating the fall harvest with Poison Control and an ER full of residents who were nothing like those characters on Scrubs. Needless to say, her Thanksgiving treats have remained suspect.

But luckily our homegal, Chef Jin Caldwell of Ethel's Chocolate Lounge, knows her way around pumpkin puree and has created a spiced pumpkin buttercream coated in white chocolate that tastes even better than the real homemade deal. The confection is part of Jin's holiday collection that also includes cranberry, egg nog and gingerbread truffles. But beware: Jin's rendition of Pecan Pie is loaded with brandy, so keep Grandpa and his boozehound belly at a distance.

-Dana

If A Problem Comes Along, Reese's Whipps It!

It's funny. One decade Devo’s Whip It lyrics are empowering a hardworking middle class to overcome adversity / are fueling a masochism movement among American teens (crack that whip!), the next they're inspiring Hershey's newest sweet treat. A fluffy peanut butter nougat bar surrounded by a thin layer of milk chocolate, The Reese's Whipp is a tasty alternative to the Three Musketeer. However, it's a bit of a confectionary quandary. While advertised as having 40% less fat than that of other candy bars, Reese's Whipps somehow contain 20% more calories. Whatever. We still say music is magic.

-Dana

The Chocolate Show

Backpacks strapped and permission slips forged, this weekend Bittersweetjesus embarked upon the field trip of a lifetime: The 10th Annual International Chocolate Show, a three-day traveling festival featuring everything from chocolate-covered cherries and chillies to bittersweet bonbons and cocoa cocktails, all from 75 of the world's most renowned chocolatiers (read: NOT Russell Stover).

While VIP guests navigated the 40,000 square foot space Thursday evening as part of the opening benefit and cocoa couture fashion show, the rest of us Joe Twelve-Packs synchronized our Swatches for 10 am Sunday morning and let the shameless scarfing begin. After 3 hours spent sampling our body weight in sweets, we snapped a slew of pictures that we'll let do the talking while we imbibe some Pepto Bismol.

-Dana

All Shook Up For This Reese's Cup

While we still contest that Elvis is living in an estate just south of Sacramento, it's a comfort to know someone is paying homage to the King. These calorie-laden, supersize peanut butter and banana creme Reese's cups will even have consumers sangin' Love Me Slender.

Heartburn Hotel?

Check, check. Is this thing on?

-Dana

50 CCs of Chocolate, STAT!

While walking Chicago's Magnificent Mile this morning, we were unexpectedly plagued by feelings of nausea, headache, fatigue and dry mouth. Just as we relayed our symptoms to a cyber clinician via Huckleberry device (bookmarked, we're hypochondriacs), it dawned on us: it had been 13 hours since we last consumed anything derived from the cocoa bean. (Lousy hotel replacing our Count Chocula with Cheerios. Pfff.) WebMD spouted off something about a possible brain aneurism but we took AP Biology and know a thing or two about self-diagnosis. Clearly choxofication: chocolate withdrawal.

Lucky for us, Bloomsberry & Co. have just the prescription. Their Emergency Chocolate and Dr. Chocolate bars not only deliver 50 CCs of all-natural premium cocoa with each bite, they also provide immediate relief of candy cravings, lovesickness, mild anxiety and extreme hunger. The bars can alternatively be massaged into affected areas (at your own discretion).

-Dana

Thy Will Be Done

Anything you say, Bloomsberry Chocolate!

-Dana

Booze-Infused

Last weekend, while perched upon barstools nursing a few bonzers, two lads swooped in and asked us if we were down for some ‘shotskis.’ Pretty sure that means a belt of Popov but we never did study eastern European language so we're a little fuzzy on the translation. Regardless, the sheer thought brought back some hazy memories of college where we... er, our friend woke up shoeless next to Blockbuster, vowing never again to consume bevs containing Russian water. Like poison, it is!

But during a trip to Chicago this week, garment gal Susan Morgan led us to Ethel's Chocolate Lounge and convinced us that the collection of vodka cocktail-inspired candy was worth sampling. While initially hesitant, we drank down the booze-infused truffles (eyes closed, nose plugged). To our surprise, the Lemon Drop, Etheltini and Chocolapolitan not only quenched our thirst for chocolate, but we also woke up the next day hangover-free!

-Dana

Flashback: Bonkers

If this commercial doesn't wax the least bit nostalgic, get thee to Googling the chewable, fruitable, now discontinued candy delight of a decade. While you're there, Wikipedia Mama's Family. I'm curious to know whether this gal was ever a stand-in for Thelma "Mama" Harper.

-Dana

Friday Funnies

Joke below made possible by Willy Wonka and his gang of Laffy Taffards.

Why did the skeleton cross the road?

(Wait for it...)

To get to the body shop.

Heyuck!


-Dana

Stoneage Sweets: Wax Lips

Each week, Bittersweetjesus calls attention to one prehistoric candy that is still manufactured, despite the fact that even those with the least discriminating sweet teeth around (ie, smokers, Grandma, consumers of Necco Wafers) won't eat it. This week, after a few hours spent stewing in my own creative juices [Ed. sitting in a bathtub filled with lukewarm water and Mr. Bubble], I decided to kick things off with wax lips: the so-called candy that not only straddles the fence between confection and cosmetic, but can also be filed under The Poor (Wo)man’s Lip Augmentation.

Believe it or not, wax lips – which are indeed classified as candy - were once a popular novelty, especially during the Halloween season. However, primarily marketed as just a hilarious substitute for one’s own lips, few knew the oversize paraffin pouters actually doubled as a gum that could be chewed once the gag grew stale. Since most wax lips were given the ol’ heave-ho when the novelty wore off, the product experienced a rapid decline in popularity. And although their demand has waned even more significantly over the past few decades, Concord Confections continues its production of these tasteless travesties.

While I'll admit that some may find a mouthful of saliva-softened wax amusing, I have a difficult time digesting the continued display of wax lips in sweet shops across the US.

In other news, gold stars for those who caught the lame, but intended, digestion / gum pun in the sentence above!

-Dana